Something is wrong with me. I usually have a million thoughts running through my head throughout the day. Most of them stem from people watching and the just overall weirdness of living in China. But lately the majority of my thoughts have been all about the same thing. Robbing people. I don’t know why, but everywhere I go and every person I see I just think of how I could rob them.

Yesterday I was walking back home to my apartment and a small middle-aged woman was walking slowly in front of me with a rather large handbag. Usually I just get angry and try to scoot past them because the Chinese usually walk very slow and in a zig-zag line, therefore making passing them damn near close to impossible. But instead of getting angry, I think to myself, “Hey! I could grab that big bag away from her, smack her with it a little to discourage her from coming after me, and there’s not a thing her or anyone around her would do about it.” It’s an awful thought, I know, but it keeps recurring. Of course I would never follow through with it and I don’t want their money. I just want to rob them.

This evening I was getting some take away from a small alley just outside the gates of where I live and then stumble upon a frail but rather cute old couple sitting on the curb playing songs for money. One of them is playing a Chinese one-stringed guitar. I like their song and feel inclined to give them a few yuan. As I look down to drop the coins in, I notice a hefty wad of small bills in their cup. You know what comes next. I think about grabbing that wad, telling them in my rough Chinese to shut their rice-holes and stay away from the cops if they know what’s good for them. The same goes for ATMs. I’ve always wanted to back a truck up, hook some cables to an ATM and drag away. I think it’d be a good experiment for finding out how much money an ATM can hold. Maybe it’s because I’m a foot taller than everyone and weigh twice as much or maybe I just think it’s funny.